just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
