god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
