is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
