Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
