i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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