you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
