We're like a lot better than the average bears
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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