the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
