I am midnight drunk by noon
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
