tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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