What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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