he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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