i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
