Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
