Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
