I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
