Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
