you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
