we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
