"it" just moved
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
