So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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