If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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