How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
