I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
