I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
