She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
