your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
