Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
