Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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