So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
