And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
