She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
