quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
