Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
