I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
