question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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