Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
