i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
