You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
