oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
