I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
