well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
