so that wasnt chicken after all
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We smell like vodka and hangover
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