dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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