I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
