My first STD was from a foam party
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
