he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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