I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
