Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
