You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
