You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
